The Mindset Series: The Trouble With Perfectionism by Emma Daley
But firstly, what is perfectionism? To me, perfectionism is a personality trait characterised by having really high expectations for yourself and setting standards that are often impossible to achieve. It’s that voice in your head that tells you your work or exam result is not good enough – even when it absolutely is! Perfectionism is often driven by a fear of failure and harsh self-criticism, rather than a desire to learn and improve.
That being said, some level of perfectionist traits can be helpful. At times, it pushed me to work hard, stay organised and take pride in my work. But the problem was that it rarely felt satisfying. Even when I achieved something, there was always something more I “should” be doing.
When I was in secondary school, I found I would check and triple-check my work, sometimes starting over if I thought it wasn’t perfect. If I didn’t get a high score in a test, I would feel disappointed in myself, frustrated and anxious. Instead of feeling proud of the effort I put in, I focused on what I got wrong. I put so much pressure on myself to succeed that I rarely allowed myself to just enjoy learning. I was always thinking about the next assignment, the next thing to achieve, instead of staying in the moment.
When I began university, I knew things needed to change. University is a completely different environment. The workload is heavier, the expectations are higher, and unlike in school or college, no one is constantly checking in on you. I realised that if I let my perfectionist tendencies take over, I would burn out very quickly.
So, I started making small changes.
One of the biggest things that helped was setting realistic goals. Instead of aiming for “perfect”, I started aiming for “my best for today.” Achieving good results at university doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes a lot of time, effort and getting things wrong! I had to remind myself that making mistakes is part of the learning process, and it’s ok that it sometimes feels uncomfortable!
Something else that really helped was reducing the amount of time I spent on social media. I didn’t realise how much seeing everyone else’s highlights made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough or achieving enough. Instead, focusing on my own journey helped me to see that progress isn’t always obvious or linear, and that everyone’s path looks different.
On top of that, I had to work hard on not basing my self-esteem on a test result or a number on a piece of paper. This is definitely easier said than done, however, I found that practising self-compassion has really helped me to change that mindset. I try to speak to myself the way I would speak to a friend. I journal when I feel overwhelmed, I make time to socialise, and I prioritise hobbies that have nothing to do with academic achievement. These things remind me that I am more than my academic productivity.
If you’re struggling with a perfectionist mindset, you’re definitely not alone. It can feel isolating, but so many students experience it. I would really encourage you to check in with Student Wellbeing and make your lecturers aware of any difficulties you’re facing.
I hope these tips help you during your studies and university life!
Written by Emma Daley
2nd Year Social Work Student
Student Ambassador
Peer Buddy